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My Diary

Burger King Spies

I walk down to Leicester square and order a Double Cheese Burger King Deal from Burger King. I have to repeat the order twice, but it comes straight away. The restaurant is sort of empty – Leicester square isn’t that busy either. I take a seat, for once, next to the ground storey window, looking out at the cinema and a big billboard with George Clooney’s big, ugly moosh all over it – The Men Who Stare at Goats. Typical Hollywood bullshit.

I stare at the receipt as I eat. I’ve been served by Paola. I’m wondering what would happen if I wrote a letter to the address on the receipt saying that I was served by her – number 213, and that I was impressed with the quality of the service. Would she get a reward or something? I wonder where her name’s from.

Outside, there’s a group of three women who look like they’ve been standing there forever debating over a map or something else one of them’s holding in their hands. They move off. I’m about halfway through the burger here. I usually eat the burger with the fries, a bite of one then a bite of the other, then chewing them both slowly together, after that a sip of Coke. I’m watching a really tall blonde with long legs and a tight, green coat striding down the street and chewing it up like it’s nothing, going faster than everyone else. I follow her down and then look back to the window dead on. Someone’s staring at me.

She’s a short Asian girl with curves. She’s got her hair done back in a ponytail and she’s wearing a Burger King shirt. She doesn’t look away. I look away. I chew my burger methodically, waiting for her to move off. She doesn’t move off. She is literally standing right in front of me, staring at me. She’s moved off slightly from a direct stare, but she’s looking at me over the top of a sticker in the window. I look down and keep my head down for a few seconds. I look up. She’s gone. I’m relieved. I don’t like people watching me when I’m eating.

A second later, an Asian teenage guy with a cigarette in his hand comes over to the window and starts staring at me. I look up, he doesn’t look away. I look away. He stands there for ages, gawping at me. He moves off after a while, as I don’t look again.

After he goes, the girl comes back. Now I know I’m not being paranoid. She is literally laughing in my face this time. I want to get up, go out and tell her off, but if I do, she’s just going to run off, and I’m just going to embarrass myself.

Maybe this is some sort of game with these asshole Leicester square Burger King that they play on their lunch break or cigarette break or whatever. The whole time I’ve been sitting next to the window, I haven’t been able to see shit. I methodically finish off my food, without any relish. By the time I’m done, the girl and the guy have disappeared. As I walk out, I look around for them. No-one’s there. Fucking Burger King Spies.

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