Being on something of a break from study at the moment, I have been getting back into writing for my own personal purposes again and blogging. I therefore decided to take some time to write a few opinions about what women appear to be looking for in men in this country and what I dislike about their requirements and rules of access to their hearts.
I hear a protest at once: “How dare you have an opinion or dislike on what women want?” I also hear the adjoining assertion: “No one cares what you think about what women want!” Assuredly, I don’t have a vagina, but I don’t believe that this would make me undertake a vow of silence on the subject. I am, after all, being human, and being held up to the ideal standard, an interested party. In any case, anyone can say anything about anything. And I am, of course, the type of person that will say anything about anything, no matter how much flack I am going to get from women, feminists, other men and assorted other groups. I can only, of course, base my opinions on my personal experience of life and what I have seen happening around me in my circles of friends and who has hooked up with who.
I will break up my opinions into the usual subheadings which are presented in no particular order, only as they occur to me. I should add that this little piece stems from a conversation I was having with someone close to me the other day. He was telling me that when his dentist and doctor friends had been students, no women had ever come near them. It was only after they began raking in the money that they got their wives. Which, of course, proved that the women in this country were all gold-diggers. I had protested to this. It, after all, wasn’t true. One of his friends, who had studied something in computing, had had girlfriends at university. And I added, he had been tall and Sikh, which proves that money isn’t everything (readers will understand why I have added the comment as to his height, but may be surprised at the inclusion of the word ‘Sikh’. British Asian people are generally only attracted by other British Asian people, racism being what it is, and Sikh women are more prevalent than any other British Asian female group in this country, aside from our Muslim sisters. There is therefore a greater availability of female British Asian Sikh partners in the dating pool and therefore a greater chance of dating one). Let us begin.
We have to share the exact same personality: Monotonous monogamy. That’s what it is in this country for the most part. Like seeks like. Women seek clones. One has to have the same interests in music, books and cinema. One has to be into the same activities. I hear the protest: but this is ‘natural’. It is only ‘natural’ to the worshippers of The One in monotheistic and monogamous countries. The beauty of Indian arranged marriage, aside from its evil basis in the caste system, is that it tells us, truthfully, that we can learn to love someone that is different to us. They will have different interests, a different personality, but if we try, we will find something to love. All we have to do is try. We will try to love the Other. Here, the lesson that is taught is the complete opposite. This lesson is: Don’t try, don’t try at all. Restrict your love to a narcissistic celebration of the self. Hate and exclude the Other. Not surprisingly, people will tell you here that you must only date people from your own culture because only they will understand you. This is the rankest bullshit. We are all human and if we try, we can all understand each other. To tell each other not to make the effort is part and parcel of the evil ideology and dividing practices that have created such dissension in the world. A couple doesn’t have to do everything or most things together. Familiarity, after all, breeds contempt, and one also has to have one’s own interests. The important thing is to share quality time together and create a family. Thus says my India and thus say I.
He has to be ‘ambitious’ : Ambition is a female code word. It generally means that the eligible bachelor is already successful. He either comes from a moneyed background or is making the paper himself. My ambitions are regarded as worthless (i.e. being foremost in the field of thinkers and producing a novel of some description which is of some importance). Those silly ambitions don’t generate pounds sterling and therefore they are completely valueless. Therefore, the ideal suitors of women work in some boring, professional job for the Man or have their own lucrative business. For these women, a man’s career and his level of success is basically what he is. It is the most important factor in the relationship. Hence the Hindi line: Don’t run after women, run after money. Once you have the one, the other will follow. The rank celebration of materialism is, of course, disgusting. Imagine wasting your whole life running after money instead of important things. Imagine judging everything by the numbers on the calculator. The requirement is also completely one-sided: I should hope that no proper man runs after a woman for her money (although, in this twisted world, the immediate question by some would be “why not?). Anyone that knows any rich men will know that despite the fact that these rich men have little else going for them, the most beautiful women will be after them, the same women who, of course, would not give anyone average another look.
The height requirement: I was once told by a woman that she would never go out with me because I wouldn’t be taller than her when she wore her high heels. It was, of course, lovely to know that her high heels were more important to her than me. The endearing anecdote aside, can there be anything more arbitrary than the requirement that the eligible bachelor not only has to be taller than the woman, but also has to be taller than most of the other candidates? I have heard women saying that men’s attraction to women is completely arbitrary, but at least it isn’t based on centimetres and inches and the imaginary ruler that they use to size us up. Of course, the height requirement is possibly based on the premise that the taller man is stronger and better able to protect the woman or some other such nonsense (if I were in a fight with these supposedly stronger men, I am pretty sure that I would triumph). My own cynical opinion is that the woman wishes to be physically dominated by the presence of these taller men, the desire for submission being one of the key desires instilled in women in this patriarchal society.
‘Confidence’: Another code word which only reveals its meaning when it is related to the meaning of the word ‘arrogant’. An ‘arrogant’ man is someone that a woman chases after and shows her little consideration, displaying his contempt for her person. He loves himself rather than being able to love someone else. He is too much of a challenge. A ‘confident’ man, on the other hand is someone the woman wishes to chase after, but who is doing the chasing himself. He is supposedly able to love the woman who is other to himself. He is a challenge, as everyone in dating is a challenge, but he is considerably less of a challenge. These words are basically meaningless, but they crop up again and again. Basically, the inference is that women want to be chased rather than chasing, therefore they have to distinguish groups. The arrogant don’t chase. They are bad. The confident chase. They are the good chasers. On the other hand, we have the ineligible. These are the bad chasers. Although women want to be chased and not do the hard work of the chasing, they don’t want to be chased by everyone. I am not sure what the exact code word is for the bad, unwanted chasers. In TLC’s song ‘No scrubs’, they are the scrubs. There are various other words. The one I have heard most frequently is ‘wasters’. As in, “I don’t want any wasters”. When one looks on a dating site, there are, of course, explicit rules of access to women on their profiles and characterisations of the type of men that they don’t want.
Racial preference: To me, it doesn’t matter what race a woman is of. The only things that matter is that I find her physically attractive and that she is kind and we share the same language at the same level. Hence my disgust when people say that they will only date people of a particular race, as if other people do not qualify as persons. I have actually been told to my face by women of other races that they would never date an Asian person, as if it were perfectly justified not to do so. I have written about why I believe this attitude to be based in racism elsewhere, but will rehearse some points from before. The attitude is based on stereotyping: they are all the same. The attitude does not treat individuals on an individual basis. The attitude demarcates ‘us’ and ‘them’ and is an arbitrary and evil dividing practice. The familiar counterargument is: “You can’t force me to be attracted to someone I’m not attracted to”. This is true enough, but you should consider the reason why you’re not attracted to a whole group of people and why it seems so akin to the structure of racism.
Those are the key things that irritate me in what women look for in their prospective partners. Of course, my points are self-serving, and why not? I am an interested person and do not pretend to have a disinterested opinion.